People have been creating makeshift sex toys since the beginning of time – and the most common and convenient tools of the trade are more than likely found in your local produce aisle. The question is – is it SAFE to stick your dick in a melon, or pop a cucumber in your pussy? In honour of International Carrot Day, we’re answering this question once and for all!
Today is International Carrot Day!
International Carrot Day (yes, legitimately a thing) has been celebrated every year on April 4th since 2003. There’s little information about who started the annual commemoration – or (why, God,) why – but over the past decade it has grown to become a global event, when this humble root vegetable is celebrated through carrot parties and other carrot-related… festivities.
Which brings us to today’s timely post topic: Is it, or is it NOT, safe to masturbate with carrots and other fruits and vegetables?
We’re putting this question to bed once and for all!
Do People REALLY Masturbate with Fruits and Vegetables?
Uh, a quick nosedive into Reddit confirms that – YES – people absolutely do. You may have even done it yourself, either out of curiosity or sheer necessity. Obviously, we can’t point to any hard data or statistics as this isn’t the kind of question isn’t included in the Census, but chances are – if YOU haven’t gotten off using a carrot, cucumber, banana or peach, you know someone who has… even if it’s never come up in polite conversation.
There’s a reason Jason Biggs went to town on an American Pie in the late 90s, and why Timothee Chalamet fucks a peach more recently in Call Me by Your Name.
Sex and foreplay with food can be, well… sexy! And it’s for this reason a lot of couples experiment with whipped cream and chocolate sauce and popsicles. There are delicious smells and juices and tastes, and the eroticism and naughtiness of using food in the bedroom can be a great way to spice things up.
Is it SAFE to Beat Off with Food?
Okay, here we go, the answer to one of life’s BIG questions! Are you ready? The answer is:
AND, also, no.
Fuck. Like many questions about sex, the answer is a little more complex than a simple Yip/ Nope.
While you might have heard the old adage, if it’s safe to put in your mouth, it’s safe to put in your pussy, this isn’t technically true. There are VAST differences (besides the obvious) between your mouth and your genitals, including skin sensitivity, PH levels, tissue delicacy, and nooks and crannies that can’t be easily accessed. You’re unlikely to ‘lose’ a cherry in your mouth, and digging out a stray pip with a toothpick is NOT going to be an option if you’ve been fucking a watermelon.
So, while even some doctors agree it’s fine to masturbate with vegetables and fruits, there are definitely some safety guidelines to keep in mind before you head to bed with a carrot and a smile.
Produce Pounding Safety Guidelines
If you're going to use a vegetable or fruit for masturbation or during foreplay with a partner, the most important thing is to keep your body safe with these simple DOs and DON’Ts.
Do wash any produce before using it. Fruits and vegetables can be covered in bacteria, microbes from where they were grown and even pesticides. While your stomach can (usually) handle these, your genitals are just not designed to, and using unwashed vegetables or fruits can in rare instances lead to infections.
Do be careful when using irregular-shaped items for masturbation, even when using a condom. Fruits and vegetables are not perfectly smooth the way sex toys are.
Do use a condom, especially if you’re using a long vegetable to be inserted vaginally. Not only does this further protect you from bacteria – it also helps prevent any pieces of organic material from breaking off inside you, where they can be difficult (or impossible) to get out without assistance. You should be spending your post-masturbation minutes in a state of bliss, not anxiously trying to fish bits of banana out of your genitals.
Do use soft and squishy fruits for external stimulation only, and have a shower afterwards to wash away any residue.
Don’t use vegetables anally. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – ANYTHING that goes in the backdoor MUST have a flared base or ring to prevent it from getting sucked in and lost.
Don’t use fruits and vegetables that are short or small internally. The vagina has very strong suction and you can end up with a strawberry sucked right up to the top of your vagina.
Don’t use citrus or acidic fruits that may sting or cause skin irritation. Same goes for chillies or capsicums.
Don’t try to put fruits or vegetables inside the urethra. Penises are generally more robust than vaginas when it comes to sex play with food, but sticking anything up your pee-hole is generally not a great idea.