Join the Mile High Club

It happens A LOT in movies and television, and a bunch of celebrities – including Kim K, Liam Neeson, Chrissy Teigen and John Travolta – have all claimed to have done it. 

Joining the mile high club is the ultimate sexual fantasy for some, and a worst nightmare for others. Like – you’re literally having sex while hurtling through the air at 900kph… either surrounded by strangers, or in a wet-floored, shit-smelling cubical.

Still, it seems a lot of people want to join the club. In fact, a survey from adult hook-up site, Saucy Dates, revealed that – of 11K people surveyed – five percent had already joined, and a whopping 78 percent said they WANTED to. 

If you’re one of the many who are keen to get down at altitude, we’ve pulled together some tips to help you make it happen. Because, much like pulling off a heist or bank robbery, it’s a tricky endeavour that requires stealthy planning to pull off! 

Unless you have a few grand up your sleeve… but more on that later. 

Why Join the Mile High Club?

Despite that whole banging in a toilet in the sky thing, a lot of people have a fantasy about joining the mile high club. Perhaps because it’s a tricky challenge to achieve, and – because there’s a fairly great risk of getting caught – it seems naughty and exciting.

Some experts (and even a few air travel employees!) also suggest that the vibrations of the plane and lower oxygen levels can actually heighten arousal and deliver more intense orgasms.

If that thought it enough to convince you to give it a go, keep in mind that joining the club is not entirely legal. And while the actual rules and regulations around sex in the air are vague, an indecent exposure charge could land you in serious hot water.

If you’re still keen to make sure your next flight includes a happy ending, proceed with caution and follow these strategies to give yourself the best of chance of NOT being busted.

Plan Your Outfit Accordingly

We know, we know – planning takes some of the spontaneity out of mile-high sex, but this is the definitely the kind of occasion where you want to dress for success. There’s a distinct dress code required for getting it on mid-flight, and that dress code is all about easy access and elastic waistbands. Gals should opt for longer skirts and dresses sans panties, while guys should consider sweatpants and basketball shorts. This is definitely not the time to be wearing skinny jeans or fumbling with awkward buttons and belts.

Location, Location

When it comes to sex on a commercial flight, there are really three locations to choose from. The bathroom, the galley, and your seat. The bathroom offers the most privacy (though still not a lot!) but is potentially the most constrictive in terms of space. Also, there’s the ick factor. Staying in your seat can work if you have a spare seat beside you, you know how to be discreet and you have a blanket to get cosy under. The galley offers the most space, but the greatest risk of getting caught.

If you’re going to go with the bathroom – and surveys show most people do – choose one at the BACK of the plane, so other passengers won’t be looking right at you as you sneak in. Duh.

Timing is Everything

If you think you’re going to get away with any funny business on a short-haul flight, think again. The smaller, single-aisled aircrafts used for domestic and trans-Tasman flights are cramped, and there’s much more chance there’ll be a queue for the toilet. On bigger aircraft there are two aisles so you can split up on your way to the bathroom, meaning there’s less chance of being detected. PLUS, timing is on your side on a long-haul flight. Take your opportunity after meal service, under the cloak of darkness, when the lights are low and everyone else is either absorbed in a movie or having a snooze. This is also when the crew take turns to escape to their bunks for few hours sleep – and less crew around means less of the aircraft under watch, and more chance you have of getting it on undetected. Also, time is of the essence, so go ahead and embrace the quickie.

Assume the Perfect Position

If you’re nipping into the bathroom for a little slap and tickle, the lack of space means there are really only two possible positions. One involves the guy sitting on the closed toilet seat, and the girl backing up reverse cowgirl style. The other has her propped up on the sink so she’s at waist-level and you’re facing each other, but there’s a good chance of slipping and drawing unwanted attention in this position. Avoid leaning against the walls or the door at all costs. You’ll have a much harder time making excuses to the flight crew if you come crashing through the door with your pants down.

Hatch an Escape Plan

You don’t need a parachute to make the perfect escape, but you SHOULD have some kind of excuse lined up in the event you come out to find a line for the bathroom, or an annoyed-looking steward. If the stars align and no-one else is waiting to defile your live nest, one of you can quickly step out, leaving the other to lock up and then leave a few moments later. Taking a sickie bag with you is a great back-up plan in the event things go sideways – allowing one of you to assume the role of comforting partner, while the other fakes a case of air sickness. The flight crew will probably know you’re lying, but it nips an otherwise awkward conversation in the bud!

Pay for the Privilege  

Guys, if the thought of fucking in a tiny public bathroom gives you the heebie jeebies, there is an airline DEDICATED to helping people join the mile high club – and we’re officially intrigued!

You’ll need to get yourself to Las Vegas or Los Angeles for the experience – and have a few grand spare – but it’s the only sure-fire way to get it on in the sky. If joining the mile high club is on your sex bucket list, why not treat yourself? We reckon the extra expense is well worth it to avoid the risk of an airport security blunder… not to mention you won’t be cramped into a tiny, smelly toilet while doing the deed!

Love Cloud is a Vegas-based scenic air tour company that specialises in helping people tick ‘joining the mile high club’ off their bucket lists. They also do romantic dinner flights and wedding and vowel renewal flights (snore), but their X-rated tours are their most popular. Packages range in price, but you can expect to pay around US$1000 - $1600 per couple for the experience. You can also invite additional… passengers… for US$200 a pop, if that’s your thing.

Here’s what you can expect from your mile high experience, from the Love Cloud website: 

Check them out at www.lovecloudvegas.com.

Happy mile-high lurve-making, everyone!