Orgy Etiquette 101
So, you’ve been invited to your first orgy… congratulations! You’re in for a TREAT – and while you may be pumped to pop your group sex-cherry, you might also be a little nervous about what to expect… and what will be expected of you. If you’ve never attended an orgy before and you’re unsure of the rules of etiquette, strap in. We’ve compiled a handy guide including everything you need to know, so you can get your freak on (and on, and on, and on) like a pro.
What IS an Orgy, Anyway?
Categorised as sex between a group of four or more people, an orgy is nowadays more commonly referred to a foursome or moresome, a sex party, a play party, a swinger’s party or a gang bang. It's a carnival of carnality, a symphony of skin, where the usual social norms hit the snooze button and people engage in a dance of delightful decadence.
Basically, any type of gathering where sex is on the menu for 4+ people can be considered an orgy.
Why is Orgy Etiquette Important?
An orgy might seem like the kind of event where all of the rules are thrown out the window, but the reality is far from it! From wearing something that fits the party theme to remembering what to bring with you, there are many ways that you can convey respect to your fellow party guests. Being respectful of other participants, seeking consent, and respecting people’s privacy are just some of the golden rules to ensure you have a great time – and to guarantee an invite to the next event.
15 Golden Rules for Attending Your First Orgy
1. RSVP ASAP
Once you’ve received your invitation, RSVP as soon as possible. Not only is doing so good manner, it will secure your spot to you don’t miss out on all the fun!
2. Consider Your Limits
Before you attend the event, take some time to really think about your limits and boundaries, including how far you are willing to go in terms of group sex. Would you prefer to be a voyeur and not participate in anything physical yourself, or are you comfortable asking others to join in on their fun? Will you be willing to initiate an interaction with someone? What sexual acts you are prepared or unwilling to do? By considering your limits before the big event, you’ll feel more prepared for events as they unfold.
3. Fly Solo or Plus One
Bringing an uninvited guest is considered bad manners for any event, and an orgy is no exception. If you’re unsure of the protocol and you’d like to take a date with you, be sure to ask your host first. Just don’t take it too personally if an extra invitation isn’t extended – some orgies are just very exclusive! If you do bring a date, make sure it’s someone who is comfortable with being there, and who won’t need you to babysit them all night. It’s a party, after all!
4. Talk Boundaries with Your Partner
If you’re attending a couple’s party, it’s crucial that you and your partner or playmate have a conversation before the event so you’re both on the same page with regards to boundaries and what you’re both happy to see happen. Are you both happy to have sex with other guests, or are you setting limits on the types of activities you’re both comfortable with? Talking about expectations beforehand can save you from arguments and hurt feelings. And no-one wants to ruin everyone else’s night!
5. Clean Your Nooks and Crannies
Take a shower beforehand, and ensure all nooks, crannies, crevasses and holes are easily accessible by trimming unruly hair.
6. Dress to Impress
You wouldn’t go on a first date in your comfiest sweats and a battered baseball cap – and a sex party should be no different. The first impression you make will determine how much fun you have throughout the course of the evening, so put some effort in. Some sex parties don’t allow jeans or casual attire, some require masks, and others don’t have any dress code at all. If there is a dress code or theme, be sure to adhere to it. You might feel silly turning up in a toga, but we promise you’ll feel a lot more out of place if you DON’T wear one and everyone else does!
7. DON’T Be Late!
The night of the big event, be punctual. While it’s likely that you’ll be paying an entrance fee to attend, that’s no excuse to ignore your orgy’s designated start time. Arrive at the indicated hour or, even better, fifteen minutes EARLY to ensure that no one else’s pleasure is delayed due to your lack of punctuality. And why wouldn’t you arrive on time… you don’t want to miss all the foreplay!
8. No Need to Knock
While walking straight into someone else’s home would be considered rude on other occasions, orgies are a whole different kettle of fish. A general rule of thumb is to try letting yourself in before knocking or ringing the doorbell so as not to pull your host away from the action. If the door is locked, then try the bell.
9. Breaking the Ice
While some hosts are happy for their guests dive right into the action, most plan activities to help break the ice, such as drinking games, dancing, and watching a little porn together. If things are already in full swing when you arrive, grab yourself a drink and do a casual lap of the event to see what – and who – catches your eye. Smile, introduce yourself to other guests and enjoy the experience of watching for a while to help you relax and get into the mood.
10. Communication and Consent
No matter what you think you know about sex parties, communication and consent are vital to having a good time. It’s not simply a matter of diving into a pile of naked flesh and attaching yourself to the nearest genital. Keep in mind that, just because you’re comfortable with certain sex, does not mean that someone else will be. Before every new act, ask the person/people you’re engaged with for explicit consent to move forward. Everyone involved should be clear on what will happen and, if anyone expresses concern or asks to leave, they must be allowed to do so immediately with no questions asked.
11. The Best Sex is Safe Sex
Whether you’re having sex with one person or with hundreds, practicing safe sex is paramount. This is especially true in a group sex environment. You never know what STIs someone may have — they may not even know themselves! — nor do you want to risk the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Keep a stash of condoms in your pocket, in case your host hasn’t provided any, and whether you’re engaging in anal sex, oral sex, or anything in between, use birth control and protection like condoms at all times.
12. Clean as You Go
You might have heard this idiom in the kitchen – and it’s just as true for sex parties and orgies! Any sexual activity you engage in is probably going to get messy in some way, so be considerate to other guests by cleaning up after yourself and sanitising any sex toys or accessories after you use them.
13. Anonymity and Privacy
The first rule of Fuck Club is… you don’t talk about Fuck Club. And you certainly don’t wave a woman down at your kid’s school to say you met her at that great orgy last weekend. Sex parties are for everyone, but one of the most important golden rules for guests is to remember that participants must honour a sense of respect and anonymity. Never reveal the identity of other attendees. Depending on the party you attend and who hosts, you might even be asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement (NDA) before entering the premises. That protects your privacy, as well as everyone else’s.
14. Don’t Sneak in Your Smartphone
The rules on smartphones vary from party to party, but generally guests will be required to leave their phones at home, hand them over at the start of the event, or treat them as though they’re in a movie theatre (on silent and not recording) to circumvent any stealthy filming and safeguard the privacy (see above) of other guests. It might seem strange being without your phone for a few hours, but really – weight up your options. Would you rather have steamy group sex, or check your iPhone for the 73rd time that day?
15. Ask!
If you have any questions about a sex party you’re invited to, or the process or what to expect, don’t be afraid to reach out to your host and ASK! Your host will be more than happy to address any concerns and help put your mind at ease, and help you navigate the event for the best possible experience.
