Shibari Rope Bondage

For couples exploring bondage, rope is one of the most versatile and cost-effective means of restraint available – and it can also be one of the most beautiful. Shibari is a great example of rope play and restraint that can be intricate and erotic, and an increasing number of Kiwis are beginning to explore it. Read on for more insights into what shibari is, and how to get started if you’re a complete beginner. 

What is Shibari?

Sometimes referred to as Japanese rope bondage, shibari literally translates as to tie or to bind, and is a modern form of rope bondage which originated in Japan. In shibari, intricate and beautiful knots and patterns used to restrain and give sensation to the body. Sometimes the practice involves or leads to sex, with couples tying each other into certain positions, but historically, shibari has been used as a form of meditation, relaxation, and trust-building practice between two people.

Marika Leila Roux – the co-founder and creative director of online shibari workshop portal Shibari Study – defines shibari as “a way of communicating through rope” and explains that it is this element of communication that makes shibari so powerful. She says that using rope in a way that’s playful, sensual, tender and a little challenging can help people examine their needs, desires and intentions, as well as those of their partners.

“It’s not just about memorising certain patterns or knots,” she insists. “Instead, shibari allows you to use things like how you handle your rope and different ways of using speed, tension and tempo to create different sensations and even emotions for your partner, or yourself."

How is Shibari Different to Other Forms of Bondage?

Sexologist and author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, Midori, explains that the practice of shibari is embedded in Japan’s ancient history.

"In the same way that kinky people of European heritage have incorporated shackles into their sex, based on historic captivity measures, Japanese folks found inspiration in captured maidens."

In Europe, restraint typically involved cuffs and chains. In Japan’s history, the restraint of choice was rope. Midori clarifies that some misconceptions, shaibari is not a spiritual practice in Japan, does not need to be complex or difficult, and is not only about sexual pleasure.

Essentially, shibari is very similar to other forms of bondage – it simply happens to have originated in Japan and have a focus on rope play. The one key difference is that Western rope bondage focuses more on the functional purpose or tying someone up or restraining them, whereas, in shibari, the focus is more on the aesthetics of tying someone up, and the sensations of the ropes and being restrained into certain positions.

How to Get Started with Shibari

While shibari isn’t necessarily complicated, it isn’t something you can jump into head first without doing your homework and pre-sex communication. As with all forms of rope play, safety is an important consideration before you get started.

COMMUNICATE

Discuss your wants, desires, goals and boundaries with any potential shibari partners before, during and after every Shibari session. Here are some questions you should ask and answer with your partner:

• What do you look and sound like when things feel good to you?
• How will I know if you’re having fun?
• How will I know when I need to change course?
• What kind of mood or feelings do we want to have while we play (for example, rough, tender, naughty, cared for)?

Because rope bondage involves restraint and power dynamics communicating your boundaries and hard limits – and understanding those of your partner – prior to beginning is a must. Be sure to have a clear discussion beforehand about what you both want out of the experience, what is on and off the table, and how you’ll communicate if there is an issue.

CHOOSE A SAFE WORD

A safe word is essential for any kind of BDSM play because it allows you to relay to your partner when you’re coming close to your limit, when a scene is going too far or if a boundary is being crossed.

Many couples use the traffic light system (green, orange, red) to indicate how they are feeling during play, while others choose a safe word or phrase (that would otherwise not come up in conversation) to communicate when a hard limit is being met, and that play needs to stop immediately.

CREATE A SAFE SPACE

Before you begin exploring shibari, you should make sure you have a safe and comfortable space to play. It should be familiar to both parties, and you should have a set of safety shears on hand. Ropes can become tangled or too tight – especially when you’re learning – so it’s vital that you have a safe means of cutting ropes free quickly and easily if the need arises.

INVEST IN QUAILTY ROPE

A quick trip to the local hardware store is not going to cut it here. Shibari ropes are softer and generally slightly thinner than the type of rope commonly used in Western forms of bondage. The preferred material of rope is jute because it’s a strong natural fibre, however beginners are best to start with cotton rope, because it’s softer on the skin and it's easier to clean up. Starting with shorter ropes, which are easier to handle, is also recommended for shabari newbies. 

TAKE SOME ONLINE CLASSES!

Taking online workshops is a great idea if you’re interested in exploring shibari. Not only will they help you get started safely – they’re also a fun way to begin learning with your partner or playmate, while encouraging communication.

Shibari Study is a fantastic resource to learn shibari at home with world-class instructors, and offers unlimited access to 700+ online tutorials – including a comprehensive introduction to the art of Shibari for solo or partnered tying that’s perfect for beginners.

5 Shibari Tips for Beginners

1. Learn how to tie a single-column tie, which is the foundation of shibari.
2. Start with a floor tie rather than going straight into suspension, to ensure you practice the proper methods before jumping into in-air suspension.
3. While you’re still a beginner, don’t try anything too crazy. Start with your favourite sex position, and try to tie your partner, or have them tie you, into that shape. 
4. Start with easy, gentle rope placements, like tying the right wrist to the right thigh and the left wrist to the left thigh. If your partner is a bit more flexible, try wrists to ankles – but avoid anything too complicated on your first try.
5. Until you’re more experienced, don’t tie near the neck and head, to ensure the person being restrained can still breathe.

Must-Know Shibari Terms and Phrases

There are certain common terms and phrases for Shibari practitioners, including:

• Rigger/Rope Top: The person doing the tying.
• Rope Bottom/Bunny: The person being tied.
• Floor Tie: Rope work that is done exclusively on the floor.
• Suspension: An advanced form of Shibari that includes lifting the body off the floor using only ropes.
• Self-tie: When a person ties themselves.
• Kinbaku: Kinbaku means tight binding, and this term is often used interchangeably with shibari, as it refers to the same type of play.

Sinful sells 10m lengths of cotton bondage rope in black, red and purple – which is perfect for shibari beginners! Get yours online, and remember to check out Shibari Study’s General Rope Safety course for free.