Welcome back to Ask a Sexpert – Sinful’s recurring column where we deep-dive into the questions sent to us by our customers and readers! This month, we’re exploring tips to help you muffle the sounds of your favourite sex toys.
Is the hum, buzz or steady wom-wom-wom of your favourite sex toy killing your vibe? If you share your home with flatmates or kids, you may have found yourself worrying about the noise of your toys during solo or partnered play sessions. Fear not! We’ve got 10 tips to help you dampen those tell-tale sounds, so you can fully relax on your way to O-Town.
1. Stealthy Sound Check
First things first: the next time you’re home alone, sound check your vibrator or air-pulse tech – because there’s every chance your sex isn’t nearly as loud as you think it is! One by one, turn on each of your powered toys to their highest settings and then leave your room. Check if you can hear your toy buzzing from the other side of the door, then from the areas of your home where other people might be hanging out while you’re beating off.
If you can’t hear your toys during your sound check, you literally have NOTHING to worry about. If you can hear a faint buzzing, try employing a few of the following tricks to muffle the sound.
2. Move Your Bed
Does your bedroom wall back onto a living room, or the bedroom of flatmates or children? If you can, rearrange your furniture to ensure your bed is as far away from that wall as possible! Depending on the layout of your room, this might not always be an option, but if you can do a quick switcheroo, it will give you added peace of mind.
3. Come Under Cover
Sometimes all you need to dampen down the sound of your vibe is a thick duvet! Pulling the covers over you while you get freaky might seem like an overly simple solution, but you may be surprised just how effective it is. Weighted blankets are even better, especially in winter when you’re likely to want to get cosy anyway.
4. Frisky, Face Down
Different positions naturally help muffle the sounds from sex toys, so – if you normally lay on your back – try laying on your stomach so that your toy is between you and the bed. You can also try grinding against your vibe or wand on top a pillow, which can be a great sex toy silencer.
5. Stop Sounds Escaping
Towelling the door isn’t just for sneaky teenagers smoking weed in their bedrooms! It’s also a cheap and easy trick to help sex toy users (ie, EVERYONE) prevent buzzing sounds from escaping under the door.
Simply block the space under your door by pushing a rolled-up towel or blanket hard up against the gap. You can also get a store-bought double-sided draft-stopper – which is designed to slide under the door and fit snuggly on each side.
6. Stream Background Sound
No everyone can get off with music or movies playing in the background – but if you can, have at it! Popping on Netflix or a Spotify playlist is a great way to disguise sex toy sounds. If you’re choosing a TV show to camouflage the buzz, update your settings to avoid the ‘Are You Still Watching?’ notification from pausing things at a critical moment.
Also, if you’re opting for TV or movies, stick with things you’ve already seen. The whole point is to mask your rumbly sex tech to help you get in the zone. The last thing you want is to get distracted by that season finale cliff-hanger.
7. White Noise Wonder
Can’t find your rhythm while watching reruns of The Waking Dead? Totally fair! A white noise machine or app is a great alternative – and it can be a great way to drown out the buzz of your vibe without giving your flatmates reason to wonder why you’re watching Terminator for the third time this week.
Because people use white noise machines to help them relax and sleep, you can turn yours up to a fairly high volume without raising too many eyebrows. Mention you’re having trouble nodding off, or that you’ve recently taken up meditation. Either way, you’re not to be disturbed!
8. Whisper-Quiet Vibes
If you’re really struggling to relax due to noise concerns, consider treating yourself to a new whisper-quiet toy! There are tons of super quiet toys to choose from, including Satisfyer’s Pro 2+ and Pro 3+, which both feature whisper modes. Prefer internal vibration to clitoral stimulation? We-Vibe is renowned for designing discreet toys, and their Jive Vibrating Egg promises minimal noise with maximum pleasure.
It’s worth noting that toys for external use are generally a little louder than toys for internal stimulation, since your body helps muffle the sound of toys that go inside you. That means, you might want to look at an egg vibe or g-spot vibe rather than a wand.
9. Silent Sex Toys
While every sex toy manufacturer on the planet is working hard to make this tech exist, there is currently no such thing as a SILENT vibrator. That means, a sex toy has a motor of any kind, it’s going to make some level of noise.
That being said, not all sex toys are motorised! Glass toys, dildos and steel toys can offer incredible sensations, so why not get your hands on one or two and try something new? While we can guarantee these toys won’t make a sound, we can’t say the same thing about you once you find your groove!
10. Shrug it Off!
This tip is probably our favourite, and the most important lesson anyone should take away: let go of any embarrassment and decide not to give a damn! EVERYBODY masturbates, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your flatmates are probably jamming towels against their bedroom doors as often as you are.