National Handcuff Day is coming up in the good old U-S-of-A; celebrating the date a patent was granted to George A. Carney for his revolutionary new style of handcuff way back in 1912. We love a good set of cuffs, so this is a holiday we can really get behind. Let’s make it a thing, New Zealand! Order your first set of cuffs now, and on February 20 dip your toes in the waters of BDSM.
Let’s dive in!
Handcuffs and BDSM
BDSM is a term used to described certain aspects of sex that can be split into these major groups: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. If you’re interested in exploring BDSM, handcuffs are a simple and super-fun way to get started and discover a new level of pleasure and play.
Using handcuffs may seem pretty self-explanatory, but there are a few key things to know to ensure you’re getting the most of being cuffed and doing it safely.
Remember, any form of BDSM play needs to be based on absolute trust and effective communication between partners, so establish consent, boundaries and safe words before you begin exploring.
Talk to your partner about exactly what turns you on. Having this discussion through ‘dirty talk’ allows you to go into detail and build up a scenario to play out later, while building the suspense.
Pick your handcuffs style. There are so many different types of handcuffs and restraints, it's not at all necessary to walk away with bruised wrists. Begin with soft cuffs, like silicone or leather, and avoid cheap metal cuffs which can bite into the skin or leave scratches and cuts.
Rope restraints and bondage tape are a great alternative to cuffs for first-timers – and since they’re adjustable, you can have them as tight or loose as makes you comfortable.
Before anyone gets handcuffed to anything, you should pick your position. Talk to your partner first, so everyone is on the same page and comfortable. Whether you want your hands tied above your head, behind your back or to the bedposts, the options are endless.
Communication & the Traffic Light System
As with any BSDM play, communication is key. Choose a safe word before you get the cuffs anywhere near your (or your partner’s) wrists, and if you’re the one in control, reassure your partner by talking to them throughout their cuffed experience. Tell them exactly what you’re going to do to them next. Not only is this super erotic – it also allows them to voice any concerns while settling any nerves they may have.
If you’re just getting started, the traffic light system is the most common and easily-used safe word system. Each colour is used to communicate how you're feeling and what you want.
Red = stop
Saying this will mean you want your partner to stop everything they're doing immediately. It should be used when you're not comfortable, things are getting too much, or you no longer consent.
Yellow/ amber = slow down
Maybe you liked what they were doing but then it became a little too much. Yellow is basically saying "reel it in a little bit". It can also mean you're reaching your limit, or are edging on physical discomfort.
Green = go for it
Use green if you like what your partner's doing, you feel totally comfortable, and you want them to continue.
Handcuff Positions for Beginners
Wondering which positions you should start out with? These are the top three for cuff-play newbies:
- Have your partner handcuff your wrists together in front of you. This will allow you the freedom to still be able to touch yourself, and – to a degree – your partner.
- Have your partner cuff your wrists together behind your back, so they can grab the chain and control your arms. Be sure to have a pillow in front of you. If you lose your balance, you’ll have something soft to fall against.
- Handcuff your wrist to your partner’s wrist and see what kind of new positions you can come up with. You’ll be restricted, so it’ll be a fun little challenge.
Cuffs & Restraints for BDSM Beginners
Handcuff Day got you feeling inspired to surprise your partner and try a pair of cuffs for the first time? Here are 5 products you should definitely add to your top drawer…